Let’s be honest. When you’ve spent your entire adolescent life in a single-wide trailer, working dead-end jobs in a nowhere town, dreams are replaced by attainable goals. When you wind up living an entire year out of the trunk of your car, with a dog that doesn’t judge you, goals are far more reasonable than so-called dreams. They say America is the “land of opportunity.” These opportunities, to me, are based on family, race, class, and educational background. It’s difficult to rise significantly when your education has been stifled by lack of financial means. I wasn’t born with a winning ticket. I was not born with a silver, gold, or platinum spoon in my mouth. I was raised on hard work and self-respect. Many portions of a typical feminine “American Dream” do not fit into my lifestyle or vocabulary. I learned from my mother to fend for myself. She taught me that if I wanted something, I had to just go out there and get it by any means possible.

As a young female in America, I was subject to attempts in the form of gifts and toys to kick-start a “dream.” I can say with confidence that most girls received pretty playhouses, cooking sets, or baby dolls. Hours on end were spent hooking up the Easy-Bake Oven, popping out chocolate cakes to serve to the Cabbage Patch Doll in a plastic house with plastic shutters and plastic chairs. I would sneak into my mother’s closet to try on her clothes and high heels. I’d throw myself onto the vanity and slather on face cream, eye shadow, blush, and mascara. I started to imagine how pretty a bride I would make someday: the gorgeous church packed with my friends and family, wearing a wedding dress which, in my young mind, was something only Cinderella and I could pull off. I had thoughts of having a handsome husband come home every evening in his suit and tie, ready to settle in for supper. Dreams of a big wedding, a big house and a big family all equaled big smiles. Why on earth would any little girl have dreams so big when she hadn’t even set foot in the real world? Whose idea was it to promote these baby dolls, houses, and ovens, which imitate a grown woman’s lifestyle, to young girls? I ’m sorry, but those things only set me up for a lifetime of disappointment and disaster. I can’t cook without setting something on fire. Even nearing 30, I don’t have a house filled with furniture or a positive prospect for a Prince Charming.

My dreams do not revolve around the marriage-and-children buzz. Perhaps my reasons are selfish, but they are personal. The most recent studies show that the United States has the highest divorce rate, with over two million granted this year. This isn’t by any means a discussion on statistics, but the simple statistic supports my thoughts on marriage. We, as humans, change. I ’m not the same person I was when I was 21 and engaged for the first time. I ’m not even the same person I was a year ago, regretfully engaged for a second time. Each day I grow and I learn. I ’m fully aware that I have many flaws. I have these little quirks that someone will either love or hate. Attempting to find a mate who will understand my thought process and love me unconditionally seems irrational. I am comfortable in my own skin and am capable of taking care of myself. Mixing someone else into this mess is just another burden that I cannot handle. The desperation that others feel to have a companion baffles me. Then again, the purpose of finding undying love and devotion is something that is pushed upon us at a young age. My dream is to live happily ever after as myself. Whatever changes occur in the coming years, I have the freedom to encourage myself without having to drag someone else along on my diligent and independent ride. Without distraction, I can do as I please and mold myself into a courageous being, consumed solely by my own inhibitions.

My American Dream is one in which I will look back and pride myself on having done things without the necessity of another human being. I want to be myself, set in my ways but still unsettled. The great thing about being an American is having the ability to just get up and go. We have the freedom to travel from one side of the country to the other, with no boundaries. In doing so we gain personal responsibility and a sense of courage that no one can tamper with or take away. As a single female in this great country, I learned a lot about myself on such a journey. With no one holding me back and only a few ties to the opposing coast, I had the ability to do something all Americans should carry out at some point in their lives. When you have 3000 miles to go and only your inimitable imagination for company, you would be amazed how much you learn about yourself and your inner strength. Mark Twain said, “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by those that you did.”

Fortunately, through such a personal journey I have realized that no matter how much money I have in my checking account, financial freedom will not lead to my happiness. This so-called American Dream has become a materialistic monster, in which I will not partake. Every effort is made these days to show class distinction. Mark Twain said, “Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.” Happiness is thrown on the back burner, and for what? Is it to show off your fancy million-dollar home? Dreams seem to be focused on things these days— an expensive Lamborghini, the deep, dark tan you got while on vacation in the Bahamas, the photographs from your Caribbean cruise, the great private school in which your child is enrolled. You think your money will afford your children a better education than they can get in some public school where the kids run wild and are a bad influence. Parents who can’t afford to pay high tuition costs must be rotten bottom-feeders. You want the best for your family, and you will do whatever it takes to prove to society that you are better. You are one lucky human being. You have all that money to prove that dreams do come true.

It’s really no wonder that our great country attracts those from less fortunate areas of the world. We boast “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” The media have promoted us as an entitled country, where everything is within reach. Sure, we do have opportunities that people in other countries can only dream of, but we also have the backlash of inequality and bias. Without a second glance, we judge a woman based on the way she speaks and dresses, from the woman in cut-off jeans with a child dangling from her hip to the Muslim woman wearing a hijab and abaya who must live her life based on faith. How about the urban lady wearing big gold hoop earrings, with a sense of attitude in her tone? Has the dream worked for all women, or did the Easy-Bake Oven and the Barbie dolls lead them into an imperfect society where bias and stereotypes are the norm, and the chances of such dreams are flattened?

My dream involved hopping into my car and driving across the country. I packed a box of clothes, threw shoes on my feet, and loaded a little three-legged mutt into the back seat. The goal of attending college was never anything I thought was within reach, but I threw off the bowlines and just went for it. I ’m by no means a scholar, and that isn’t my goal. Dreams are just emotions passing through the mind. Goals are something we work toward. Nothing in life is free. To truly appreciate the life you have, you must earn it with hard work and self-respect.

While considering my dreams, I spoke to young girls who were still in high school. Their American dreams were much like mine were when I was 17, and it was interesting to see how much I have changed. I realized that in the last ten years I have molded myself into a totally different person, someone my previous self would never recognize. My dreams have been transformed into goals that are within reach. In a way I learned that instead of setting myself up for disappointment, I had to lower the bar. I now have expectations that I can comfortably achieve without stress. I’d say that every day I live my American dream by being an independent female who is no longer afraid to strive.